Epiphany 6A +Choose life! + 2.12.23

 

M. Campbell-Langdell

All Santos, Oxnard
(Deuteronomy 30:15–20; Ps. 119:1–8; 1 Corinthians 3:1–9; Matthew 5:21–37)

On our page a day calendar earlier this week, theologian Henri Nouwen is quoted as saying: “Here is the God I want to believe in: a Father who, from the beginning of creation, has stretched out His arms in merciful blessing, never forcing himself on anyone, but always waiting, never letting His arms drop down in despair, but always hoping that His children will return so that He can speak words of love to them. His only desire is to bless.”

I tend to agree with Nouwen – this is the God I want to believe in, too.

In today’s reading from Deuteronomy, Moses said, “See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and adversity. If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I am commanding you today, by loving the Lord your God, walking in his ways, and observing his commandments, decrees, and ordinances, then you shall live and become numerous, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to possess.”

Of this scripture, I say: Choose Life! The more I study the complexity of our Holy Scriptures, the more it seems so simple. Choose life, not death. Follow God. Love your neighbor. Everything else is commentary.

And then we hit scriptures like this one from the gospel today. Jesus seems to set us up to fail with these demands. Who can attain to that height? Never looking at another person with desire? Everyone’s life is affected by divorce- be it you personally or a good friend who has gone through it, many times becoming a better person as a result. How can Jesus be so harsh?

Well, whenever we look at scriptures, we have to realize a couple of things. To whom was Jesus speaking, and why? Secondly, who wrote down Jesus’ words and why, and furthermore, in what context? I will go to the latter first as it tells us about the bigger picture of Matthew. Matthew was written by the second generation of Christians. Although there would have been a strong oral tradition and possibly a background text, what we call Q, that was one of the main sources for the synoptic gospels, Matthew is written to a largely Jewish audience in a church that was welcoming more gentiles or non-Jewish people. Also, it was written after the fall of the Temple in Jerusalem in 70 CE. This was a glorious edifice the outer wall of which still stands in ruins in Jerusalem and to which worshippers flock to deposit their prayers. The fall of the temple was a huge trauma to the whole community and as such the writing in Matthew can at times be very harsh. The world in which Matthew wrote was a community processing its grief.

To whom was Jesus talking? Well, this was part of the Sermon on the Mount, a missive directed not only at the disciples but also at the last and the least, giving them new instructions for living because the old ways were death-dealing to many. In these marginalized communities, it is said that men simply had to write up a contract of divorce for their wife if they felt they no longer served their needs, whereas women did not have that freedom and often ended up having their lives ruined as a result. Judaism frowned on divorce but at the time of Jesus only men were permitted to initiate it. Because of these Jewish laws I tend to see Jesus talking to the men when he mentions divorce and adultery here. He says, I am not going to make it easy on you.
Why? Because some people were being hurt. Women were being cast aside without support for very little reason. But unfortunately, this passage has been misused over the years. It has made people feel bad for divorcing when that was the most life-giving option. And I for one don’t interpret Jesus as saying that here. He wants to fulfill the scriptures, and the scriptures say we should respect marriage and follow other commands as best we can. However, the scripture also suggests that we should “choose life”. And if you feel you are losing yourself or cannot life and be happy at all, then you are not choosing life by staying in a relationship.

Now that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it to hang in there when a relationship hits a hard patch. Many people who have been married for a long time will tell you that they had a rocky moment at some point in their marriages and that they had to work it out through a lot of patience and good communication. Many of these couples are happier now than before they went through the hard patch.

One of the best examples of wading through these complex relational and theological weeds is evident in the recent movie by Sarah Polley, “Women Talking” (2022), based on Miriam Toews’ book of the same name. A disclaimer- this is a very subtle movie with very adult themes. In a quiet way the story imagines the discussion amongst the women in a Mennonite colony in Bolivia whose men have been discovered to be abusing them. The abuse happened when they were tranquilized so it took some time for them to realize the extent of the damage. While the men are arrested, the women, who are very devout, are trying to decide whether they can forgive the men and if they cannot, what that means for the state of their souls as well as what their other options are. As they debate staying or leaving, they express anger but also love for the boys and men in their families, even as they are disgusted at how they and their daughters have been treated. At one point the character Ona says poignantly, “Why does love, the absence of love, the end of love, the need for love result in so much violence?” It is a good question. And to even try to wade through the waters of human relationships, we must attempt a more complex reading of the text and our lives.

Paul says today’s reading from the first letter to the Corinthians: “[Siblings,] I could not speak to you as spiritual people, but rather as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for solid food.” By this he means that we process spiritual things in different ways at different times of life. When we are kids, we understand God in a pure and simple way, a delightful way. But as we pass through life, we gain more wisdom, though we sometimes overcomplicate things.

So, what is Jesus’ real intent in this gospel reading? Is it to make everyone feel bad who has somehow fallen short? No, that is not grace and that is not life abundant. I think his intent is to encourage us toward an attitude. An attitude that focuses less on specific actions and outcomes but is more about how we act toward others in the moment. Do we think of ourselves and our own needs first? Or are we willing to listen, understand and perhaps even sacrifice a little of our comfort for the benefit of another? It should always be mutual especially in partnered relationships.

Because the kind of God I believe in is one who wants us to have life, and live it fully. To hang in there when it gets tough, but never lose our sense of self because your journey matters. Never let a passage be used to hurt you or exclude you. But do use these passages to spur you on to be better. This is how we can be wise in the Spirit even as we try to keep the openness of a child of God. This is how we navigate complicated life waters on our journey towards abundant life, not in the world to come, but here on earth. Amen.