Proper 22 (B) + Full thriving + 10.7.18

M. Campbell-Langdell

All Santos, Oxnard

(Job 1:1; 2:1–10; Ps 26; Hebrews 1:1–4; 2:5–12; St Mark 10:2–16)

Although the Book of Job begins in the sky, the topic of Job is very definitely an earthly question. How is it that, though God cares for us, life on earth is difficult? How is it that, despite the many joyous things we experience, some of us appear to just get walloped with the most awful experiences while others emerge unscathed? How can our Indonesian brothers and sisters be knocked to and fro and smashed, with one catastrophe after another, and yet we have our relatively comfortable lives here? How can a good man like Job lose everything and not lose his relationship with God? Job is about the real realness of life. The book of Job is not a book for the faint-hearted or those who only like to talk about convenient faith. But it is a book for those who suffer and who see suffering and who like to actually engage in a conversation with God about that suffering.  To me, Job’s least attractive characters are his friends, who need to blame someone for his maladies, and so blame him. In a way, one of the lessons of Job is that when bad things happen to us, it is not always our fault, and God can always redeem them, even though we always live with the scars.

Which brings me to today’s gospel passage. And to the challenging area of divorce. Growing up as a child of the eighties and nineties, divorce was a reality of my existence. A large number of my peers’ parents were divorced and we learned to navigate the complexities of that. Interestingly, I read recently that, perhaps because of seeing this, many millennials are staying married longer.[1] This is because they are waiting until later to marry and aren’t always feeling they have to marry someone with whom they have a child.

But am I blaming those whose marriages don’t work? Indeed not. Neither do I think that Jesus is doing that in this passage from Mark. We know that Jesus is all about love, not blame and shame. He says things like “cast the first stone” if you are without sin and inspires us not to be judges of each other. He says “forgive,” “take the log out of your own eye.” So what is Jesus actually judging in this passage?
When you look at the wording, it is interesting.

He says: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Looking at the power dynamics between men and women in the ancient near east, I believe that even though Jesus is being even handed in his discussion here, the primary concern was men who discarded their wives without reason. We know this is wrong. As it would be for any partner to leave another for no good reason. To commit to someone and then, when things get challenging or they just lose their “shine” for us for whatever reason, to toss someone away? We know that is not to be done.

Of course there can be forgiveness, but those involved must make amends. Jesus was not about to let abuse slide. Because he cares for the vulnerable. And first of all, for the widow and the orphan.
Particularly he speaks of the woman (and in infrequent cases, the man) who is without power in a given context.

In fact, one commentator pointed out that Jesus says it is much more about the heart than the law. What does your heart say? Is this a hardness of heart speaking, not a clever legal question?[2] Yes, we follow the laws, Jesus says, but they are not there to abuse people. The law should protect the innocent.

It should protect the sacredness of a true union.

Because marriage- the true union of two persons- is sacred to God. Blessed by God, it is worth fighting for. If you are in a marriage and you have struggles, I am a Prepare-Enrich marriage counseling facilitator and can help you work on your communication skills as a couple. It is not easy. Most of the work is on you, I am afraid. But help is available, and God helps us.

But know this- I truly believe that Jesus does not want anyone in a relationship that actively hurts them. This is why he is not saying “a woman who runs away after being beaten and finds a new protector is an adulterer.”
OK, this may be a loose interpretation of the text, but know this- for too long the church has held up the sanctity of marriage in the wrong way, adhering to a particular, perhaps legalistic way of reading this text.

Yes, marriage, in its true form, is sacred.
Those with good marriages should rejoice. And we have a responsibility to God and to our partners to work on those relationships. When things are good, enjoy it! And the time together. When things are rough, schedule dates to talk it through and try to have fun together.

But those without marriages that are not life-giving and in fact are hurting them are well within their rights to seek an exit, separate are make another change for their spiritual, emotional and physical wellbeing.

Singleness is a more than valid option! We are not less than whole people on our own, and in fact some of us who are single can give more to God and to the world by virtue of being single. Single people are good friends, family members, mentors and more.

The most important is to uphold the sanctity of the life-giving relationships in our lives. Of wellness, however that looks.

Sometimes that means staying in, while taking care of yourself as best you can while you also try to connect with your partner and care for them. Sometimes that is being a good friend and supporting others, whether they are married or single. Sometimes faithfulness actually means leaving a bad relationship. Sometimes it is about living your best single life and working on friendships, a relationship with God and with yourself.
But remember- Jesus wants us to be loved, happy and healthy. Despite the cruel realities of challenges in our lives, which the book of Job makes abundantly clear, Jesus wants us to thrive!

This is why our church believes in a process of healing, forgiveness and remarriage if appropriate after divorce. We believe in second chances, in forgiveness and growing wiser.

You deserve love. To give it, to get it. In a variety of important relationships.

Faced with the real realness of life, let us not judge others’ situations, but work for wholeness in our lives and in those of others.
Amen.

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[1] Ben Steverman, “Millennials are Causing the US Divorce Rate to Plummet,” September 25, 2018, Bloomberg News: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-09-25/millennials-are-causing-the-u-s-divorce-rate-to-plummet.

[2] Philip Ruge-Jones, “Commentary on Mark 10:2-16,” WorkingPreacher.Org for October 7, 2018, https://www.workingpreacher.org/preaching.aspx?commentary_id=3789.