Proper 20 (B) + A person of valor + 9.19.21

 

M. Campbell-Langdell

All Santos, Oxnard

(Proverbs 31:10–31; Ps. 1; James 3:13–4:3, 7–8ª; St Mark 9:30–37)

Robert A. Heinlein is attributed with saying:
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” (GoodReads)

Based on our reading from Proverbs today, one might say a human woman or indeed a human being should be able to: work with their hands and weave, provide food for a household and purchase that food carefully, make big purchases as needed, work on physical strength, sell the fruits of their labor, be both wise, kind and of good humor.

Of course, both of these lists come from a specific lens of time and place and in some cases a perception of gender roles. And they are aspirational- very few of us will master all of the skills we wish to. We might each have our own lists very different from these, based (or not) on our gender or other identification, social location or time period.

One commentator on looking at this passage from Proverbs reminds us of several things.

First of all, “a capable wife” is better translated as “woman of valor.” People were a part of complex multi-generational families in the ancient near east and we are not necessarily talking about a 50’s housewife stereotype here.

Secondly, this passage has been used to both oppress women by keeping them in their roles but also to reinforce very specific ideas around gender that do not relate to our different modern cultures necessarily.
We also need to remember that not all women were oppressed in the ancient near east, and in fact this woman is a fairly privileged example, just as not all those who identify as female today are free.[1]

Why does all of this come up for me? I am especially mindful of how difficult it has been recently for many women in Texas and around the country in recent weeks, in light of the recent law in Texas that allows anyone to bring charges forward against anyone assisting a woman who has an abortion after six weeks of being pregnant, many cis-gender, straight American women are afraid. Regardless of whether they ever would choose to have an abortion, many feel as if decisions about their own bodies are being taken away from them. I am aware that for some women present this is a very personal topic, so I invite you to speak with me if you need to access some of the peace and forgiveness of the church, regardless of your situation.

The Episcopal Church is novel in that we encourage individuals to have their own opinions about this and a variety of topics. You can find national church decisions that support comprehensive access to all kinds of reproductive health treatment for those who present as women. In general, the Episcopal Church has trod a middle ground, acknowledging that while abortion is usually not preferable, that it is sometimes medically necessary and that we should focus on healing over judgment. You can find clergy and laity who feel very differently about this issue. One person I know supports a “pro-all-life” position that would get rid of the death penalty and seek as many alternatives to abortion as possible, so as to preserve all life wherever possible. Chances are you have your very own point of view on this hot topic. And I don’t mean to stir up a political debate today. Whatever your opinion is, I respect that you came to it thoughtfully and with reverence for all God’s creatures. I am also aware that my personal opinion is of limited assistance since I am not likely to bear a child personally. I am one of the women certain segments of our society would not see as a full woman.
So I suggest that much of what ails us in this and similar debates in our society is an insistence upon a very specific type of rigid gender roles. The ideal wife is… fill in the blank. The strong man is like this- Men can’t have feelings. Women can’t show vulnerability. Obviously some of this is culture-specific and not relevant to everyone here. But for many of us, we fear we will get laughed out of town if we don’t always look productive and strong at all times, to lift up another mis-use of the passage from Proverbs.

But how to we let that all go? Strip down to who we are as people and begin again? I suggest that Jesus addresses that in the gospel passage today. When we were in Manoppello and saw the image of Christ on the thin veil of the Volto Santo, we noticed that only when we kneeled in front of the image of Jesus did we see him smile. It was a small smile, a shy one. But a smile nonetheless that you simply could not see in the same way from a standing position. The nun told us that she feels that is what Jesus meant when he said we have to become like little children. We must kneel, or humble ourselves. Not to make ourselves less than or demeaned. But because when we strip off as many of our adult pre-conceptions as possible, and enter a child-like state, only then can we have a beginner’s mind. A mind that can see people for people and God for God.

At Camp Stevens this summer I had an experience of this. At the beginning of each group meeting, the adult or teen in charge of each adventure group would introduce themselves and identify their pronouns. They would then go around the group inviting them to introduce themselves and share their pronouns. As Genesis loves to say, we did not assume anyone’s gender from how they presented. And it was fascinating. And difficult. Even remaining mindful, I messed up from time to time. But I saw with it many benefits. Mostly, it gave kids and likely some teens and adults a chance to live more fully into whatever pronouns they felt most comfortable with, rather than just having that assumed for them. How liberating. What a refuge for many who simply do not have that space anywhere else in real life. And some kids shifted their pronouns a bit over the course of the week. Cynics will say that this was just social experimentation and not necessarily indicative of a life choice or evidence of a non-binary identity. However, it was powerful to behold how easy it was (conversely with a lot of intentional work) to create a space in which we allowed more space for all to express more fully. I do not want to idealize children here. I spent almost as much time trying to explain and defend what a non-binary identity might mean to some kids as I did helping other kids with homesickness (pretty striking after a stay at home order)! But we all humbled ourselves to make sure we didn’t assume. And it had ramifications about the other assumptions we might make about race, sexual orientation, religion and more.

What would society be like if we didn’t just look at a person presenting as woman or man but rather as a complex human being? Being a woman would not just be identified as a reproductive status, just as many men as seen as fully whole whether or not they produce children. And, who knows? we might have healthy conversations about good sexual and other life choices as opposed to only focusing on punitive ways of dealing with people’s actions, often done without a lot of apparent options. We might see each other as strong and capable whether our bodies are normally abled or differently abled, just as we have seen a striking example of in the Paralympics and Olympics. We might kneel and hold each other in love, rather than hovering above others as judges. And then we will see Jesus smile.

Amen.

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[1] Elaine T. James, “Commentary on Proverbs 31:10-31,” for September 19. 2021, from WorkingPreacher.org.