Proper 7A + Soul friend + 6.21.26

 

M. Campbell-Langdell

All Santos, Oxnard

(Genesis 21:8-21; Psalm 86:1-10, 16-17; Romans 6:1b-11; Matthew 10:24-39)

 

Good morning! From today’s gospel reading:

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it (Matthew 10:38-39).”

Ah, Jesus. I thought following you was just about the peaceful life? Sometimes we wonder when we see passages like this one. Sometimes Jesus gets a bit punk rock, but it is mixed in with tenderness. In a few lines, we hear about Beelzebul, a demonic figure whom Jesus was compared to by those who misunderstood his ministry. Still, then we have the consolation that the hairs of our head are counted and that we are of more value than many sparrows, and then we hear him pulling out the metaphorical sword and slashing through our relationships, or so it seems.

So what is really happening here? To me, this passage is all about alignment. Let me give a strange example to begin with, perhaps a “Dad” example, because it is more practical. This is one you sometimes hear me use at stewardship time. When Alene started me on planning a faithful budget, the first step was to figure out my income and tithe to God. This could include church and other organizations that we support, but that was first. Everything else followed. This was counterintuitive when I was a student and a young clergy person on a limited budget. Surely, rent or food comes first? But she showed me that when I did that, somehow God created enough out of my budget. I don’t know how. Sometimes we had to get creative, but it always worked out.
Similarly, this passage is challenging us to put Jesus first in our lives. If he is the primary relationship, then all the other relationships will follow in the way that is most life-giving to us. That may mean close relationships with certain folks, but it could also mean modification of relationships that are not good for us to be overly enmeshed in.
Relationships are also key to our reading from Genesis today. Poor Hagar and her son are being cast out due to a change in the family's makeup. But she is still part of God’s family, and God protects her and her son. Her son is another descendant of Abraham and will be the father of another nation. God keeps God’s promises even when human beings are fickle.

And God models how to rise above our fears in a relationship. Fears that can tear apart relationships are destructive, but God’s love and compassion for other people’s children can nurture the community as a whole.
What relationships have taught you the most in your life journey? As we mark Father’s Day, perhaps you have in mind a father figure who meant a lot to you, whether biological or an alternative one.  Maybe you have also been in that role.

I have been thinking a lot about spiritual friendships recently, which is the theme of my sabbatical.

Father figures can be tremendous spiritual friends. Perhaps today we should take a moment to remember a word of wisdom we received from our father, if we were lucky enough to have a wise father, or from another significant father-figure in our lives. We are grateful for the wisdom shared, and we pray for healing for any pain in the parental relationships on either side.

But what are spiritual friendships when they’re at home, as we say in England?

 Aelred of Rievaulx says that our friendships as Christians can model the best parts of our relationship with God. Not all friendships are spiritual, but Brother Aelred says that spiritual friendships seek a deeper motive than a superficial friendship. A spiritual friendship is mutually beneficial. And we hold back from demanding too much of our friends, trying to respect their needs as well. Often, we feel closest to God in our friendships because we love our friends for being our friends, not for what they can do for us. Similarly, God’s love for us is free and given without condition. God is our best friend, but human (and I may add, animal) friends can teach us a lot about God’s love, too.[1]

When we “lose our life” by putting everything in Jesus’ hands, in baptism, and in the daily self-giving life of being a Christian, I truly believe that all of our life-giving relationships- be they with friends, coworkers, family members, and others- will fall into alignment with the Spirit. Those who push our boundaries too much are not good Spiritual friends, and we may have to take care of ourselves with them. Which is not to say, "break the relationship"; just be mindful that you, who are a precious child of God, are important, too! And you must take care of yourself.

I feel absolutely blessed by this opportunity to step away and wander a bit – first, literally, with my friend and goddaughter in Japan, and then, spiritually, with God on retreat, before wandering a bit with Alene in the UK and Ireland, and later, in Oregon with Monica, too. I feel excited about the downtime, the journey, and the spiritual insights it will bring. I will miss you all, but I will be back before you know it. Over almost fifteen years, you have helped me learn so much about God, some for this whole time and others as newer friends on my journey. But I am grateful that you all are giving me this space to reconnect with several of my spiritual friends with whom I have not always been able to spend face time due to distance and my ministry schedule. And I think, perhaps most important, as a busy priest who spends time in prayer but not enough, the dedicated retreat time, which is pushing me to increase my centering prayer practice, will be very helpful in renewing me for continued ministry. I look forward to returning rested and with many stories to share. And I am grateful that you will be in very good hands with the clergy visiting and on call, as well as with our wonderful church leaders.

Our Psalm today says: “For you are great; you do wondrous things; * and you alone are God (86:10).”

Our God is truly great. When we humans fall short and want to fight, even Jesus’ metaphorical sword seems to slice through the confusion, bringing us peace and clarity. He helps us to hold all of our relationships in a healthier space. In Jesus’ name, may we nurture relationships that feed us, both with friends and family, and also with God, who is our ultimate anam cara, or soul friend. Amen.

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[1] Aelred of Rievaulx: on spiritual friendship, from Catholic Ireland Website, 30 November, 1999, Aelred of Rievaulx: on spiritual friendship - Catholicireland.netCatholicireland.net.